Tonight one of the most embarrassing things happened to me. Ever. I blame it on being sick and the meds I’m taking. (Though how an ear infection and vertigo can be blamed for a momentary lack of judgement will be up for you, the reader to decide.)
I also need to preface this with a disclaimer. While I am a self-proclaimed broad (not very ladylike at all…I can burp 80 times a minute… and feel more comfortable at a baseball game than a tea party) I dress very modestly. And have opinions on how we women should dress! I believe you need to leave some things to the imagination. I have never understood a bikini…if we wore our bras and underwear to the beach, people would think we were crazy. Yet add some shiny material and some cute colors… and WALLA…no longer underwear but swimwear…kind of reminds me of “The Emperor’s New Clothes”…
And I believe you dress according to body type. Do not squeeze a size 14 body into a size 10 pair of shorts. Or a size 8 into a size 4, etc…do not accentuate the fat. Ever. I’ve even struggled wearing sleeveless shirts because I don’t want my fat jiggling and somehow knocking me out…I can see the headlines now:
Woman taken to hospital after being knocked out by her own arm fat…witnesses say she never saw it coming….live report at 11
And my second disclaimer before I regale the events of this evening…is that I really love Jesus. He has me. I have given up everything to know Him and make Him known. I am not ashamed of Him but tonight He may have been a little ashamed of me 😉
I have been sick this week. Ear infection, eye problems and vertigo. Quite the mess. I have missed work. Tonight I felt good enough to mow the lawn. And I wanted some sun on my back. So I decided “Why not kill two birds with one stone”. So I broke one of my fashion rules…not only did I wear a sleeveless blouse but a strapless one as well. It’s a blouse I wear over my bathing suit as a cover up. I do not have much to hold it up. My size (I’m not kiddin’ ya) is a barely A…yes, there is actually a size called that. When I lie down, they invert…I think my size goes negative…is there such a thing as -A?…anyway…I digress…my ladies are small.
So I start mowing. What happens next is a blur. Can you say Janet Jackson? Wardrobe malfunction? Debuting the ladies for all of Exchange Street to see? Yep…the blouse fell down to my stomach. Don’t know for how long I mowed before I even noticed. Don’t know if anyone driving by saw. Or any of the neighbors. Or any of the old people in the nursing home across the street.
I officially became the crazy lady (who also happens to be a pastor at a local congregation in town) on Exchange Street wearing inappropriate clothes while mowing. An embarrassment to my nieces and nephew who live in town (I am no longer the fun aunt, I am now the crazy aunt). All I need is a couple of cats and I’d be the Crazy Cat Lady. Pretty soon kids will start tp’ing and potato’ing my house (oh…wait…they already do that)….
Once I recovered and put everything back into place…I continued mowing. What else could I do? And I decided to blog about it. Admit it, we all have our own most embarrassing moments! We just need to learn from them and laugh at them! My lesson learned? Do not mow in a strapless top. Lesson learned.