Faithinflipflops

Living simply, loving deeply!

Archive for the category “Family”

Mother’s Day: A Story of Grief & Hope

I haven’t written much lately Actually, I have written a ton lately but all academic. All for school. I have entered the last six-weeks of a two-year program of working on my Masters in Strategic Leadership. It has been brutal. I have missed writing for pleasure. A lot. I have still maintained my journal but it is not the same. Tomorrow is Mother’s Day and I realized I have not written much about my mom. And I have been thinking about her a lot. So school work will have to wait.

A couple of months back I went for a long run with my dog, Thompson, on Kipton Bike Trail. Thompson did well for 3.25 miles but the last 3, not so much. I decided to stop and get ice cream on the way home to medicate treat myself after a long, frustrating run.

 

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Thompson & me after our long run. He doesn’t look happy.

 

The lady at the ice cream place asked me if I was Heidi Strickler. I was freaked out a bit until I realized she had my debit card. She went on to ask if I was the Heidi Strickler from Vermilion. I answered “yes”. She responded with “I know your mom and dad. I used to hang out with them.” She used the present tense. My mom has been gone 31 years and my dad 9.  I proceeded to tell her both my parents were gone. She asked about an uncle and other family members. I had to watch her expression as I told her each family member she asked about had died. I think I relived five family deaths in the span of three minutes. That moment has stayed with me. It has made me think a lot about my mom.

 

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My mom & me. This was taken about 6 weeks before she died.

 

I asked the lady if I could ask her a question. I never knew my mom as an adult and there are so many questions I have. I asked her what my mom was like. I only knew her as a mom — a mom who did not cook well, a mom who loved to play bingo, a mom who made sure we had a hot breakfast and who loved the Cleveland Indians, a mom who made sure we played outside as much as possible, a mom who instilled in us a love of reading, and a mom who would hang out the American flag on the first day of school saying that was the real Mother’s Day (she was stuck with three kids who were all born within five years of each other all summer long). She made sure our birthdays were special. One year (it was after she had her second stroke) she bought me a really cool comforter for my birthday. That night as I turned off my light to go to bed, I saw this big, glowing thing on my bed. Freaked me out. Unbeknownst to my mom, she had bought me a glow-in-the-dark comforter. I am one who must have complete dark in order to sleep. I did not get much sleep that night. We laughed a lot about that comforter.

My mom had her first stroke when I was in the 6th grade. It was a mild one. She had her second one my freshman year. It left her in the hospital for two months. She never fully recovered. She passed away suddenly the summer before my senior year. I was just 17. I just have so many questions.

She married my dad, who was 20 years older than her. I always wanted to ask her about that. My dad was an alcoholic. I always wondered why she stayed. I wondered what her childhood was like, where she and my dad got married, did she want to be something more than a housewife? She lost her father when she was 11. My dad lost his mom when he was 15. I have questions about menopause now that I am approaching the age. I also have some other, private questions.

I couldn’t ask my grandma. She died 15 months after my mom of Lou Gehrig’s Disease. Her speech was the first to go.

Mother’s Day is tomorrow. Some years are tougher than others. It can be sad because I also don’t have any children. To be honest, I never remember wanting to have kids. I am good with them and love them and am the best aunt ever but to have some of my own is not something I ever envisioned for myself. I thought I would get married someday but life was always so busy and so full. When I turned 44 I remember waking up one day and wondering “How did I get to be 44 and not married?” I wasn’t sad or lamenting the fact…just wondering how life led me here. I have had an amazing life and have gotten to see and do some pretty incredible things. Life has always been busy but the kind of busy in which I still have time to appreciate and enjoy life.

Today was graduation day for me. I opted not to go to graduation for many reasons. The primary reason is it is in California and we still have 6 weeks left of our last class which is working on our Capstone. I want to be able to take a vacation when this is done with no school work hanging over my head. I have to admit, though, I was a bit sad seeing the pictures of my classmates.

It made me think again of my mom. She never saw me graduate from high school or college or now with my Masters.

I went to the cemetery to put flowers on her grave. I always leave there thankful. Thankful for where I come from. Thankful for who my parents were. Thankful for the memories it invokes. Thankful for my five sisters and brothers. Growing up was not easy but it forged me into the woman I am today. Mother’s Day is about women. And I am thankful that I have grown up to be a strong, independent, caring woman who loves Jesus and her family. I am thankful that I live in a society in which women can be educated.

 

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There were beads on the headstone. I have no idea who put them there or what they mean… 🙂

 

I remember my dad telling me that I did not have to get married to be complete (he didn’t say it in those exact words…he was Archie Bunker after all) and that I could be anything I wanted to be. My mom and I never got to have those kinds of conversations.

And this Mother’s Day, I grieve over that.

But I am thankful that I do not grieve as someone who does not have hope. I have hope because life does not end at the grave. Because of Jesus, death has just become the doorway to eternal life. And one day, I will be able to have the conversations with my mom.

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The Tale of a Veteran, His Daughter, and Her Whiskey Dog

Today is Veteran’s Day. My dad was a veteran of World War II. One of his brothers told me at my dad’s funeral that my dad left for the army a young man and came back an old one. He also struggled with alcohol the rest of his life. Two months before he passed away, I was up late. My dad had a vivid flashback to 60 years prior when he was under attack in a pasture somewhere in Italy. He came rushing out of his room like a young man (he only got around with a walker at this point). He thought I was a German. He was in his 80s and it was as real to him as if it had just happened. Veterans pay a price to protect us that lasts a lifetime. I have blogged about my dad and his service in Lessons from the Greatest Generation and Veteran’s Day: WWII in Pictures.

I have been thinking about my dad a lot lately. I recently got a new dog, Thompson. My dad would have absolutely loved him. He is actually named after my dad’s favorite whiskey, Old Thompson. There are things this dog does that makes me think of my dad daily. Thompson is a rescue dog. I was not looking for a new dog. At all. My family has this belief that you don’t find the dog, the dog finds you. I had lost my last rescue dog, Woodstock back in June. I had decided not to get a new one for awhile. I am not even quite certain on how I came to get Thompson. The past ten days have been a blur.  I feel like somehow I was manipulated by my good friend, Todd, who was looking for a playmate for his dog Captain. Anyway, I decided to look online at dogs, too. Just one time. And I saw Thompson’s picture on the Erie County Humane Society’s page. I just knew I needed to see him. I thought you could only see them by appointment but my friend called. He informed me that he and his sister would be there in two minutes to get me. The rest is history. As soon as I met him, I knew he was mine. He’s a pointer mix mixed with some other kind of hound. I cannot believe I got a hound!!!  My dad was a hunter and we always had beagles, walkers, blue ticks, or some sort of hunting dog growing up.

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Todd & Captain. His plan backfired. Thompson is great with people but struggles with other dogs, I am working on it 🙂

 

It was a family endeavor to name Thompson. There was a family group text that had over 200 texts in it. There were good names mentioned; Kluber (Indians pitcher), Jethro (NCIS), Champ (family song), Clarence (Clemons from the E Street Band), Sipe (for Brian Sipe), Tait (Joe Tait)…can you see our love of Cleveland sports? Thompson was suggested by my sister, Nancy. And it fit. His eyes are the exact color of the whiskey. And he reminds me so much of my dad. I received a text that said this, “Thompson is not ordinary, sounds distinguished, masculine, would remind you of dad, its origin is well known to those who should know, it’s not about a specific time, but in honor and memory of someone who was good and bad but we love ’em just the same…just like you’ll love this little guy. Each time you call the name, it will make you smile as it will the rest of your siblings, and we’ll laugh, cry and remember…forever. It’s a no-brainer.” We, Stricklers, take naming our dogs very seriously. We are a family of dog lovers.

This afternoon, I went on a hike with Thompson. A friend had suggested Edison Creek Metro Park and it was perfect. Halfway through the hike (before we got lost…we ended up hiking at least 6 to 8 miles), I realized we were in the woods by Smokey and Frailey Road. My dad grew up there (in the Ogontz). He would have me take him for rides often and would point out his homestead, his one-room school house, and his old stomping grounds. I realized I was in the very woods he hunted in as a kid and a teenager. I was so overwhelmed and felt so connected to where I had come from. I was with my hound, in the very woods my dad hunted in.

I am so grateful for where I come from. Growing up was not easy. It was messy. It left some scars. But it made me who I am today. There is a song that has been the song of my heart this week. It’s called Reckless Love. I have listened to it over and over again. While I was in the woods, the lyrics came to mind and they became my prayer of thanksgiving. I was overwhelmed with how good and kind God has been to me over the years. He knew the family I needed to be born into, the difficulties I needed to overcome to make me who I am today. God’s reckless, raging love has so captured me. His vastness, goodness, and love overwhelmed me in the woods today.

Before I spoke a word
You were singing over me
You have been so, so
Good to me
Before I took a breath
You breathed Your life in me
You have been so, so
Kind to me

Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights ’til I’m found, leaves the ninety-nine
I couldn’t earn it
I don’t deserve it
Still You give yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God

I am thankful for my dad. Thankful for his service to our country and the price that he paid. I am thankful for my dog whom God has used to teach me some lessons and to bring me so much joy. I am thankful for my friend, Todd, whom God used to bring me Thompson. Most importantly, I am thankful for the reckless, raging love of God that has pursued me, protected me and looked out for me throughout the years.

Mid-Life Crisis: Good or Bad?

I have been thinking a lot about mid-life crises. By definition, a mid-life crisis is an emotional crisis of identity and self-confidence that can occur in early middle age. I witnessed a good friend of mine go through one years ago leaving a wake of destruction in its aftermath. I have seen others go through them successfully. I don’t think mid-life crisis are bad things unless handled badly. I think there is something healthy about reassessing your life periodically. I tend to be extremely introspective. One of my life mottos is “If you’re not growing, you’re dying”. It hangs in my office so it must be true. 😉 Scripture talks about examining ourselves in several places. An examined life is a healthy life.

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I think I have been pondering it because over the past two months I have had four different people say something to me that struck a chord. Two of the four were in the form of a question and the other two were observations about my life. Three out of the four were basically asking the same thing, “What are you doing with your life?” They obviously took root and have been germinating in my spirit. I honestly believe God is trying to get me to see something so I can grow. My daily prayer is to be more like Jesus in all areas of my life and to daily walk out the good works He has for me (Ephesians 2:10). These are prayers He delights in answering.

Before I get to the four things people have said to me, let me give a little back-story. In July I began to work on my Masters in Strategic Leadership. I have wanted to continue my education for years. The idea of going into debt did not appeal to me at all. I had a friend tell me that I needed to not look at it as going into debt but as an investment in my future. That resonated with me so I went for it. And I am so glad that I did. Our first class and residency were on the personal life of a leader. The premise is if you are going to be a great leader, you need to be able to lead yourself well. How can you lead others if you cannot lead yourself? We learned a lot of great theory and practical tools in that class. We talked a lot about finishing well: life and ministry. We had to identify what would keep us from finishing well. My two areas were physical and financial health. Our final paper was thirteen pages. The last two pages had to be a personal growth plan for the next two years (the duration of the MASL program). It was a painful process. But healthy and life-giving.

I have two goals to be physically and financially fit by 50. There are concrete goals that I am working on. I will probably blog more on these two areas in the future. Needless to say, after scheduling an appointment with my doctor and some very frank and honest conversation, he set me on the right path of cutting out sugar and grains. I have lost 30 pounds in twelve weeks and feel the best I have in my life. I have a way to go but the accountability and desire are there. I do not want my body to give out on me before my mind and my dreams. Finishing well means taking care of the one body God has given me to do all He has called me to do.

I read a quote somewhere that said, “Men with dead eyes, dead hearts, just waiting for the rest of their bodies to catch up and die as well.” I don’t want to be like that. I think when we hit mid-life, we can choose to tread water (security) until retirement, thinking then we will do what we want or we choose to continue to take risks and grow in the present. We cannot wait for someday to do what God has put in our hearts to do.

In September, Bruce Springsteen’s autobiography came out. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a huge, huge fan. There was a companion album that came out with it. The album had a tag line describing it as, “a hard-working Jersey boy living out his wildest dreams”. I wrote in my journal, “Am I living out my wildest dreams? What are my wildest dreams?” God has given me so many.

At the church I serve at, we are going through some restructuring. It is healthy and exciting and nerve-wracking all at the same time. I love it! In September, I met with our youth pastor to discuss a change in roles and responsibilities. He would be taking some of mine and we were discussing what that would look like and where I would fit into all of that. He asked me the first question that has been causing me to think about the next season of my life. It came the day after I had read the tagline from Bruce’s album. He asked, “What do I want to be when I grow up?” He’s 26. I’m 46. And he so hit the nail on the head. (Side note: our future is in good hands. God is raising up a generation that can fix the things we have messed up. Do not fret! Our best days are ahead!) I have done about everything in church life from children to youth to missions to women to senior pastoring to pastoral care and I love it all. I am living out my wildest dreams. But I sense God is refining my wildest dreams (I am sounding like a Taylor Swift song). I have said from the time I graduated from college that I want to do it all before I die. I wanted to experience every aspect of ministry and life. But I feel God is doing a refining.

In pursuit of living a healthier lifestyle, my doctor encouraged me to listen to some podcasts. There’s a guy I have been listening to plus reading his stuff. The information is so good and makes so much sense. It’s all about the why you should not eat sugar and grains. It has changed my life. I am convinced God has used this to save my life. I believe we will look back on white sugar and it will be this generation’s version of nicotine. My mom and dad’s generation started smoking in the day in which nicotine was “good” for you. It wasn’t until the 70s the government admitted how terrible nicotine was for you. White sugar is killing us. Our health care system will break under the weight of our obesity not the Affordable Health Care Act (though that needs help, too).

I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I remember being in seventh grade and starving myself. I would eat an apple a day because you know what they say, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away”. I have lost the same sixty pounds five times during my life. I have done Weight Watchers, the cabbage soup diet, Atkins, South Beach, counted calories, and on and on. I was honestly quite concerned that I had permanently messed up my metabolism with all the yo-yo dieting. I was on the phone with one of my sisters talking about this new way of eating and working on my Masters. And she said the next thing that made me think. She said, “Heidi, any goal you have ever set, you always achieve it. You do whatever you set your mind to do. You are great at setting goals and meeting them. You are driven. Your problem is once you achieve it, you are lost, and you don’t know what to do with yourself.” That hit me like a ton of bricks. I am so thankful I have people in my life who are honest with me. God uses them to push me and examine my life.

As a result of my conversation with my sister, I began to think through my new lifestyle of eating. I was not viewing it as a diet but I knew eventually I would. What could I do now to prevent slipping back into my old behavior? The guy I have been listening to on the podcast offers paid consults. I have never done anything like that in my life. And remember my goal of being financially fit by 50? This did not fit into the budget. But I knew I needed to do something different if this was going to be lasting so I scheduled it. And I am so glad I did. He was so incredibly helpful. He was firm but genuinely caring. It was like having a personal trainer to get you started. The only way I can describe him is he is the Howard Stern of fitness. Growing up Strickler prepared me for that 😉 He asked me a question on the consult when I told him I was working on my Masters (he wanted a snapshot of my life…age, height, weight, what your schedule was like, etc). He seemed shocked that I was going back to school at 46. I thought it was normal. He asked, “What made you go back for your Masters at the age of 46?” The emphasis was on the age. I never once thought about my age when deciding whether or not I was going to go back for my Masters. It was always money and time. I never want to get intellectually lazy. And I don’t want to coast on what I have learned previously. We are to love the Lord our God with all of our hearts, all of our strength, all of our souls, and all of our minds. And I think it is part of whatever God has for me in the future.

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The last incident that happened was a dear friend called me a couple of weeks ago to inform me he had re-married. I jokingly said, “Maybe it’s time for me to think about getting married.” I remember a couple of years ago I woke up one day and thought, “How did I end up at the age 44 not married?” I knew I never wanted children but marriage had always been an option. I just never thought about it much until two years ago. Life has been so fun and so full and time just marched on and before you knew it, here I am. His reply to me was, “You have such a unique life, and it would be hard for someone to come alongside it.” In my journal that night, I wrote, “It (his statement) caused me to think what am I doing with my life?” At first, it stung. That statement made me feel like a freak. For a nano second. In the end, it caused me to appreciate the uniqueness of my life. I have never been lonely. I have amazing friends and family. The community I get to live in and serve is full of great people. I am not rich in material things but I am with the things that matter (now I feel like I’m going all George Bailey on you).

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As I contemplate those four incidents, I am so filled with excitement. God says in His Word, “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

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Re-assessing your life mid-way through can be a good thing. It becomes a crisis when you fill it with things that will rob your soul and hurt those around you. The self-examined life is the healthy life.

 

 

 

 

 

Death: A Reminder to Live Life Fully

I lost my Aunt Wilma this week. She was my dad’s sister and was 97. She was the last of 7. With her passing, I have no parents, aunts, uncles, or grandparents left. It makes me sad. I have lost a lot of family over the past 15 years since I moved back home including my dad and one of my brothers. And I have officiated most of the funerals.

 

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The seven Strickler siblings: Uncle Jake, Uncle Bob, my dad, Aunt Wilma, Aunt Dorothy, Uncle Jerry, Uncle Claude and their Uncle Stub. I officiated 5 of the 7 sibling’s funerals.

These past few  weeks, I have missed my brother, Jerry, terribly. His birthday and death anniversary have both been within the past month.  When I read through my journals from when I was a kid and teen, he was the one I would always talk to about family stuff. He always listened and made me feel like what I felt mattered. And he let me do some crazy things.

 

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My brother Jerry and my dad.

I also lost my mom the summer before my Senior year of high school. She was 46. I just turned 46 this year. I never realized how young 46 was until I was 46. I faced this year with some angst and trepidation. I knew it was irrational but I was relieved when I passed the mark of having lived longer than my mom.

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Me and my mom a month before she died.

Death and loss have marked my life. But not in the way you may think.

King Solomon says in the book of Ecclesiastes “Better to spend your time at funerals than at parties. After all, everyone dies–so the living should take this to heart.”

The 23rd Psalm says, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me”. I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death many times. Each time, God walked with me. He never left. Each time, I learned to rely on and trust Him more. And instead of living a life of sadness and depression, it has made me enjoy life to the fullest. It has taught me to be grateful for each day I have because I know how fleeting and precious life is. Living in the shadow of death has pushed me to take risks. Life is too short to wonder “what if?”. Walking through the valley has also taught me to forgive quickly and let go of offenses right away. You have no idea when someone will no longer be with you.

A couple of weeks ago, I stopped to see a man I respect and love deeply in the nursing home. He has only been in a short time. And he knows he is not going home. As I visited with him, he asked me about a certain Scripture in the Bible that talks about Heaven. And he asked what I thought it would be like. And we just talked. And cried. I asked him if he was afraid to die. He said “no but it is not as easy as you think it is when you are younger. When it’s far off, it doesn’t seem real but now…” He didn’t deny he was having a hard time but in the midst of the pain and grief, he honored God. I think that is how we are all supposed to live! Honoring God and people even when it’s hard. He knows he will be with Jesus when he passes and as I prayed for him and said “Amen”, he just continued on praying Psalm 103 “Bless the Lord, o my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name.” Death is real. No one gets out alive. Rich, poor, black, white, brown, male, female…no one.

I think King Solomon was onto something in the book of Ecclesiastes. If you live with the end in mind in a healthy, hopeful, purposeful, grateful way, life can be truly enjoyed and savored.

Two weeks ago, there was a Perseid Meteor shower that happens every August. This year was supposed to be exceptionally bright. I probably should have slept but 14 of us laid on the beach until 3 in the morning and saw 150+ meteors!!! It was fantastic! As we laid on the beach and told jokes and pointed out the constellations and the north star and marveled at God’s creation, I was overwhelmed with joy,  contentment, and gratitude.

You rarely regret the things you do…it’s the things you don’t do that you regret!

At the funeral dinner yesterday, a family member and I were talking. I was telling her that I started my Masters at the end of July and how difficult it has been with my schedule. I told her I was second guessing myself because of the cost. And there’s my age. She said to me, “In five years from now, you would regret not doing it because it would have been finished. I tell my boys all the time to think 5 years ahead…and see if you would regret not doing it.” You cannot have too much education. Learning is a good thing.

Each family member whose funeral I have officiated, I have gotten to know them better and in turn gotten to know myself better. They each left a legacy. Some were ordinary people living quiet, extraordinary lives. I say all of this to say this: Enjoy life. Don’t waste this one life you have been given on things that don’t matter.Love God, love people, take risks, and leave a legacy that adds goodness and kindness to the world.

 

 

 

 

 

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